The Ride That Bit Back



A cautionary (and barely scientific) tale of post-ride plumbing problems

[Contains unapologetically anatomical content. Men’s health. Bits. You’ve been warned.]

After a long, cold endurance ride earlier in the season, I encountered a strange and persistent issue that, until then, I’d never heard discussed in any cycling forum, podcast, or chat at the café stop.

Midway through the ride I had difficulty peeing — no urgency, but when I tried, nothing wanted to happen. Post-ride, I was hit with a sharp stinging pain when urinating, and over the next 24 hours it didn’t let up. It wasn’t bladder pain — it felt local, right down the urethra. Alongside that was a mild headache and signs of dehydration, despite having drunk plenty after the ride.

My assumption was UTI. Accordingly I increased my fluid intake, reached for the sugar-free electrolytes, I don’t drink caffeine or alcohol anyway, and I Googled a bit. Then I asked ChatGPT for a second opinion.


Step 1: The Usual Suspect


A urinary tract infection seemed plausible. But being male, the pharmacy route wasn’t available — so off to the GP I went. The dipstick test came back clear. Just to be sure, they sent a sample off to the lab: still negative. I was prescribed a topical treatment just in case it was a surface irritation, and later a short course of antibiotics on the off-chance it was something subtle or non-bacterial.


But none of it really fit. And the symptoms had started while I was still on the ride, not slowly arriving afterwards.


Step 2: The Better Theory

Armed with a couple more days of research (thanks again, Dr Google and ChatGPT), I landed on a more convincing explanation: exercise-induced urinary irritation, most likely triggered by a perfect storm of:

  • Cold weather
  • Extended ride duration
  • Delayed urination (lesson: don’t hold it)
  • Direct exposure to wind and road vibration
  • Trying to urinate while still physically cold

Essentially, this was mechanical and environmental, not bacterial. A localised, cold-induced trauma to tissue that isn’t designed to be chilled, jostled, and pressurised for hours — then suddenly asked to perform.

There’s even a condition charmingly known as “winter penis” (yes, that’s really what it’s called), which has to do with temperature-induced restriction of blood flow and sensitivity changes. This wasn’t quite that — but definitely in the same anatomical postcode.


Step 3: The Fix

Once I stopped thinking of it like an infection and started treating it like a thermal and positional injury, things improved fast. Here’s what worked:

  • Merino underpants (this was a revelation)
  • Heat pads, creatively attached inside leggings using carpet tape
  • Frequent toilet stops mid-ride — no more holding it
  • Gentle approach post-ride — no forced peeing
  • Pre-ride hydration, rather than downing litres afterwards
  • And keeping an eye on saddle pressure just to be safe

Eventually, the symptoms faded and haven’t come back since — even on longer and colder rides.


Final Thoughts


Was this the most glorious moment of my LEJOG training? No.

Was it interesting, weirdly educational, and worth sharing? Absolutely!

Sometimes it’s not infection. It’s just your body letting you know that cold + vibration + time = trouble. And that no matter how well you fuel or hydrate, there are other systems that need looking after.

So: stay warm, don’t hold it, tape a heat pad to your shorts if you must. Your future self will thank you.


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